I used to go to a centre in Gravesend where I was living. When I split with my partner I moved back down here, and went through a very bad time. I felt very isolated because all the friends I had down here had moved on.
The intensive therapy team called down to see me and recommended me to a day hospital: when I went there it was the most boring three hours of my life. I rang them up and said I wanted to come here…because I’m transsexual, people do form judgements, based on that rather than on the person I am.
I’m not one of these people who can really hide – my nature is that I think about other people, and like to help other people; don’t want to create uncomfortable situations.
I’ve found my niche in this place. It’s not judgmental; everybody can be who they are. There’s no pretence. Everybody’s got a mental health problem to some extent, so you aren’t judged for that. People are friendly here generally. Everybody helps everybody else.
I come here most days and spend three or four hours here. I feel at home – it’s a place where I can come and be myself, whatever. There have been times when I’ve come here when I’ve been really, really low and burst into tears – usually for reasons I don’t know or understand myself. People have come over to see what’s wrong and been genuinely concerned, upset that I’m upset, wanting to help...I think it’s like a small community.
The philosophy is: get training, move forward, look towards work. But there’s not too much pressure – it’s positive. It’s more free and easy, patient. You agree to the rules of the building, respect everybody, and respect yourself.
Using this service and coming here has made me much more optimistic; I’ve been talking about maybe doing some courses at the start of the academic year…my background is computing but I do enjoy helping other people so I’m looking at doing counselling. The kind of work I think I’d enjoy is being a support worker in a place like this.
I get a lot out of the courses. In Exploring Recovery we talked about making use of peer support – that can be a major help and stop you being admitted into hospital.
Before I was so low that the thought of taking my life was constantly on my mind. Coming here has given me a reason to stay alive, and optimism and hope for the future. This is pretty much what I’m looking for.
* Name has been changed.
Illustration by Sybil Harris |
